I'm sick of these lemons, hand me something else!

Cleveland...go in expecting the worst and hoping for the best. That's exactly what we did today. Today was the twins bi-annual eye exam for Retinoblastoma, the cancer that they have which as been under control for almost 2 years now. They haven't found anything for 2 years: until today. We went in and things went as normal. Landon came out, everything was fine. Brenden came out and Dr. Singh had not so good news. For two years I had heard "everything looks good, see you in 6 months!" Today I heard: "Well, I found a tumor. It's on scar tissue from an old tumor and it's pancaked. It's spread out and too large for us to treat with laser therapy and cryotherapy." ::Insert awkward pause here:: "Okay...." "So, we're going to have to schedule to insert the radiation plaque in his eye. It's an aggressive cancer remember (yea, I remember, we've got twins with it and I have it....how could i forget) so I'd like to schedule it for Monday through Wednesday. He'll have it in for 48 hours and we'll see how it is after that. You remember all of this? From when Landon had it done 2 times right?" "Okay....uhm..."


I really have no clue what to say. It's all come on so fast. I guess that's what I get for telling my work that we've been fine for two years concerning this. I know that we cant get upset over this. I've gotta stay strong for my kiddos...God help me keep a almost 4 year old content in a room where we aren't aloud out of because we're radioactive - for 3 days.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies"